So... sketchy doodles and bravery, or lack thereof...

[cairistiona]

Ugh. Okay.

So I've been doing a lot of sketching, all in the Captain America & Winter Soldier genre. I have a lot of fun with the process and lately I've been berating myself because I go on deviantArt or tumblr and see what's basically NY Metropolitan Museum of Art level fan art and then I look at mine and... yeah. Ugh.

But.

I have also been thinking a lot about the act of creative endeavor and the joy of simply creating, regardless of skill level, and the ugh fades a little. I realize, too, that part of the joy of creating is in sharing whatever it is you've created... whether it's for constructive criticism or just to kick yourself out of being a chicken-hearted ninny.

Toward that end of kicking myself out of being a chicken-hearted ninny, I've shared a couple of these with suzll, who was kind enough not to laugh-text in my face at them. Thank you, my friend. *g* I'm now going to gird my loins and tiptoe out of my comfort zone (omg SOOOOOO out of my comfort zone *panics* *hyperventilates* *reaches for the inhaler*) and share some of the contents of my sketchbook here, both as a sort of "this is the start of who knows what" combined with "if I hopefully improve it'll be nice to look back at the genesis" and "heck, there might be a fan out there who would enjoy a modern Buck & Skinny!Steve kids AU cartoon... quest/journey/thing". I might eventually be brave enough to share them with the Marvel fandom at large on tumblr, but... not that brave yet.

And the ugh is starting to return so I'll quit the rambling procrastination and just post the dadgum things. I use a #2 pencil and sketchpad, nothing fancy, so I took photos of these with my phone, because I hate our scanner and it was just easier to do it this way.



A word about the inspiration for the above frame: I was sitting outside my daughter's school, watching all the kids pour out of the middle school and saw these two boys, both dark-headed, and as I looked closer, obviously twin brothers. Between them walked this little skinny kid, a tow-head with a Marvel-theme backpack and knobby knees and untied shoes... and I could tell these two big boys were his best buddies and who knows, maybe his protectors and maybe the ones that drag him away from taking on bullies twice his size. It just reminded me so much of Skinny!Steve and Bucky (x2) that I had to go home and sketch. This thing took about two weeks to get to this stage and is my first attempt at anything cartoonish and anything full-body and anything, well, besides sketching individual body parts like the exercise of drawing Seb Stan's eyes I posted a while back.

And of course, it has nothing to do with the 1930s, so it's just a modern-day growing-up-together Buck & Steve as bros/bffs AU.

And then the day before yesterday, another idea bumped into my brain for them:



I... don't even know what the inspiration was for this one. I just woke up with the image in my head and my heart breaking a little (Marvel why you always breakin' mah heart??) and I knew I had to draw it. (In fact, here's the first very rough sketch):



The finished one came out way more quickly.... after taking about five minutes for the first rough one, I drew the second while sitting with hubby as we watched an ep of Elementary. So about 45 minutes plus some tweaking the next day when I decided to go all-out modern and not something like 1970, hence the TV hanging on the wall and no rabbit ears.  I also confess to blatently ripping off being inspired by the old Peanuts cartoons that show the gang sitting in beanbag chairs watching TV while balancing bowls of popcorn on their bellies.

So, creativity. I dunno. It's just a weird thing, the direction my imagination is going in when it comes to Captain America. You'd think I'd want to write stories, since it's waaaay more in my wheelhouse, but it all seems to be coming out in sketches instead. And AU sketches at that. With Tolkien I'm so about canon, but not with Cap & Bucky and especially not when it comes to imagining them as kids growing up together. Maybe it's because comics are so doggone fluid when it comes to canon that I feel like there's a wide open door for "anything goes", whereas I enjoy staying in Tolkien's lines because his lines are so amazing.

I have a few more 'serious' post-Cap2 sketches based on a Bucky-recovery fanfic that just will not get out of my head ("Simple Conversations"... I've rec'd it here before... there's a whole sub-theme of Bucky and strawberries... "how could he have forgotten strawberries?"... ugh it just kills me....). I'll save those for another post, though. They're much more rough because they're an attempt at more realistic comic/illlustrations, and aww, arms. *said in my best Clint voice* They're really hard for me to draw. I'm not too excited about the arms in these comics I've posted here, to be honest. So I've saved a bunch of photos of people's arms and will practice them next. Funny.. I really thought the faces and expressions would be the biggest challenge. But no. Arms. Ugh.  And my Bucky doesn't really look much like either comic Bucky or Seb Stan, so I'm trying to decide if that's okay or if I want to tweak them so there's more of a resemblance to Seb. They're definitely more WIP.

Thank you for indulging me, y'all.

Comments

[mrowe.livejournal.com]

Well, you're way ahead of me drawing-wise:-)

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

And woefully behind most, but that compulsion to try... couldn't ignore it.

[suzll.livejournal.com]

Heeeee!! I'm so glad you posted them!! They look even better on a computer-screen than on a phone-screen :D

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I can't decide if they're better bigger or just more Ugh because now I can *really* see the spots that need perfecting. LOL

[j-flattermann.livejournal.com]

They are gorgeous. You should share more often.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you. I admire your boldness in always posting your sketches... I need to be more that way myself. I'll post future ones as I get them drawn. At the moment, these two cartoons are the lot, uneless I can get the eyes right on the more realistic drawing WIPs. Arms and eyes are HARD. *sigh*

[babschwi53.livejournal.com]

Better than anything I could have done :) if that is any comfort. I guess one can always look up or down to see where you are lined in, and I guess there are people who can do better, but there are more who are worse. I like them

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yes, that's the thing... no matter how good one sees one's own stuff, there's always going to be better and worse out there. I guess the thing is to go for it regardless, because hopefully it will entertain someone.

[rs9.livejournal.com]

Oh My gosh! I love these and I love your comic style. I love that you can draw props. I struggle with props. So Awesome! Can't wait to see more!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! Glad you like these little... whatever they are. LOL It's waaaaay easier for me to draw comical figures than realistic ones, but I confess, every time I look at your stuff, I get the itch to at least *try*, and I guess the time in life has come to really give it a go. I have a looooooooooooooooooooooong way before I ever, if I ever, reach your skill!

And props... are *hard*, aren't they?? The whole composition thing and figuring out how to fill in the corners, so to speak, is such a challenge. That's one of the nice thing about comics... you can take the minimalistic approach and it doesn't look unfinished. Right now with one of the more realistic WIPs, I'm trying to draw stuff on the top of a desk, with mixed results. I keep wanting to draw things squared up, when they should really be trapezoids and rhombi and acute angles... guh, it's like geometry class all over again. *reaches for Advil*

Can I pick your brain and ask you... what sort of sketching pencils and tools do you use? I'm just fiddling with my trusty #2, a LOT of erasers, and a smallish sketch pad, but I'm wondering how large your originals are (mine are all so small and I need to make them bigger so I have more room to show detail... but big is Scary). And how you do the shading and the blending and... and... and...

Okay, what I really want to do is quietly watch over your shoulder as you take one of your works from blank page to finished product!

[rs9.livejournal.com]

I'm a real simple drawer. I just use regular 8 1/2 x 11 paper and my trusty #2 pencil and a LOT of erasers also!. I never had any art training. What I know is what I learned from watching my sister. I used to watch her do shading/blending using her finger, tissue, or Q-tips. She also used a little tool that looked like a pencil but is really paper-type fabric that is shaped like a pencil (which I use and I don't know what it's called) which makes shading and blending easy.

I do admit that sketch pads are so much easier to draw with (don't know why I don't use them) There are sketching pencils that range from soft to hard. If I remember correctly the softer the led more easy to do shading/blending...but it does get messy (all over your hands and paper and everywhere else).

And as far as drawing realistically... Pshhh! If I can do it, you can do it. I never thought I'd be able to draw like my sister, but I decided to try. I still can't draw like my sister :(....she's fabulous. But I didn't think I can draw either until I tried. What's funny is that drawing "comic like" drawings does not come easy for me. It's hard! Like props! Funny how that happens!

HA! And if you were able to watch me work? It's like watching a snail crawl!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Ah, so no fancy stuff for you, either, except that smudging tool thing, which I looked up and found it's called a tortillon. Which, not gonna lie, makes me wonder if I could just roll up a tortilla and use it...) That's the #1 thing on my to-buy list at the moment. That and fixative spray. I never thought about using q-tips, though. That's a good idea and probably more precise than the tip of my pinky finger. LOL

So, further brain picking: what's the hardest thing for you to get right? For me at the moment, besides arms, it's lips and/or mouths. Guh. The rest of the face can look like a photo, practically, until you look at the mouth and it's like some sort of monstrosity plastered atop the chin. LOL

Snail crawl... yep. That's me too when it comes to finalizing details. I can sketch it out pretty fast but the details, good grief. It takes forever. And a lot of erasing. A LOT OF ERASING.

[rs9.livejournal.com]

"Ah, so no fancy stuff for you, either" - Yup..I just use anything I can grab. I actually have my kids' old color pencils that I will eventually use when I get the nerve to start doing colors. And yup, the #2 pencils.....stole them from my kids!

"Which, not gonna lie, makes me wonder if I could just roll up a tortilla and use it...)" - LOL!

The hardest thing for me to do? Definitely the dimensions! I spend so much time trying to get the proportions right (the eyes might be too far apart, the nose might be longer and bigger than it should, huge mouth, small nose, etc) I even have problems trying to get the body right. Can't have Aragorn with a small head and big body, or vice versa!

You are absolutely right...lots of erasing. Thank God for erasers!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

The hardest thing for me to do? Definitely the dimensions!

Dimensions are SO HARD. And I can't figure out *why*, especially because I try to work from actual photographs (at least in my realistic stuff that no one's really seen yet). It just seems to take so *little* deviation to throw things completely off kilter. :/

Thank God for erasers!

A good eraser makes me very happy. LOL I bought one of those grey squishy ones yesterday and it has eased the toil tremendously. I also bought a pack of "hi-polymer" ones, which I'd never heard of. I had to laugh because they come wrapped in plastic like a pack of gum. I wonder if they go stale or something!

[lindahoyland.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about this fandom, but the drawings are great. You have a real talent.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Captain America... oh boy, I tried to do a quick summary but it's pretty much impossible, so I'll just say that, at least in the movies (which differ from the comics a little but retain the deep friendship... in the comics it's more Steve as the father figure and Bucky the sort of wild teen sidekick), Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were inseparable childhood friends. Bucky always looked out for Steve, who regularly got into fights trying to defend people from bullies. My little comics are my attempt to explore that "protective big brother" theme. (The Captain America movies, with the way they've done Cap & Bucky, hit me in the same feels as Aragorn and Halbarad. I've always written Halbarad as a best friend and a bull-dog protector of Aragorn, and there's that same sort of thing going on with Bucky looking after Steve, and... well, okay, I need to just stop now because I'll be overwhelming you with details you likely have no interest in! LOL)

[estelcontar1.livejournal.com]

I know nothing about Cap America universe, but these look good to me, especially since as you say sketching is not really your beach, as,we say in Portuguese. The first one is my favorurite.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I love that saying... I do definitely feel like I've stumbled onto the wrong beach, but I confess I kinda like this beach so I might just make it my own anyway. LOL

[estelcontar1.livejournal.com]

Methinks you've definitely stumbled on the right beach. *g*

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

These are so super. There's so much 'real' in the two scoffing popcorn and wondering..... aaaah And you've caught the big-eyed wonder perfectly. WHEEEEE. tis SUPER.

and the little lad with shoes untied.... what LOVELY big kids.

I know the feeling. SO much GOOD stuff out there that it sort of whacks down the 'I can't do it like them' or even 'half as good as...' that I just give up. I MUST NOT... like you - be brave and try. THANK YOU..Cairi, you make me feel ashemed of myself for NOT!

And how are your little Persons? I do hope they're not gathering dust.... "Aatchoo poofff this dust Bucky.. will you brush my shoulders off?"

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks, Loo! Capturing expressions is something I'm still working at but something that I put at the top of the "must get at least THIS right". I can live with an arm that's not quite right if I feel like I've got the eyes and the smile and all that the way I want it.

I know the feeling. SO much GOOD stuff out there that it sort of whacks down the 'I can't do it like them' or even 'half as good as...' that I just give up. I MUST NOT... like you - be brave and try. THANK YOU..Cairi, you make me feel ashemed of myself for NOT!

You have *nothing* to be ashamed of... you're always putting out your poetry and stories and all. But it is aggravating, isn't it, that little niggling voice that constantly whispers, "Don't bother, it's not good enough..."

Another thing I've tapped into with this sketching lark is that childhood joy of drawing pictures just because it's fun to draw pictures. I think as an adult, we move away from that in favor of more Worthy Pursuits, and just as I rediscovered the joy of coloring in coloring books with crayons when Dink was little, I'm kind of rediscovering the joy of sketching now. I remember doodling and sketching all the time when I was in my early teens but for some reason, probably because life got busy with real life stuff, as it does, I had abandoned it.

And how are your little Persons? I do hope they're not gathering dust.... "Aatchoo poofff this dust Bucky.. will you brush my shoulders off?"

The bobbles are doing fine... I've kept them well-dusted so no sneezing, at least. *g* I do have some pics taken and a little story to tell with them, just need to find a moment to do it.

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

You know, Cairi... I am going to pick up my pencil, my big white A4 pad and ... try and draw something. SomeTHINGS! I used to do nice watercolours once... in the days when we didn't have White Paint! I used toothpaste and my lovely seascapes always smelt of peppermint! I could do water!...

And ink sketching... SHALL get off my botty and have a go today!! THERE.

You are quite right, forgetting to use the Childhood talents.... Viggo has always said one must keep the Child in ourselves... and RL just seems to ignore that. Or pushes it all aside as irrelevant. (took me four goes to spell that!!! and now it still has a red line under> Got my v and l all mixed up)

Bless you for everything, and all the Hero Pics... They still amaze me... Aragorn Lives!!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Oh yay!! That's so what I hoped doing this would accomplish... that it would inspire someone to do something creative for creativity's sake and just have fun doing it!

Viggo has always said one must keep the Child in ourselves... and RL just seems to ignore that.

I love his thoughts on staying in touch with the child inside. I think any creative endeavor requires that sort of "that looks fun, lemme try!!" attitude that children have about EVERYTHING. I used to feel so intimidated by people I knew who worth so Very Adult and Did Worthy Things and were so Serious all the time... and it's fine that they're that way, because there are things in RL that need that sort of intense adultness... but I'm really only just now starting to apply personally the idea that there's just as important a place in the world for those of us who are more inclined to scribble words or lines or paint or act on a stage. I guess I always have known that in my head but now it's getting down in my heart as well.

Ah, self discovery. It never ends, does it!

[imbecamiel.livejournal.com]

Oh wow - those are SO cute! I'm actually really envious of the style you're developing. I've never been able to master a looser, cartoony look like that, and you're developing so well with it. And your anatomy work is coming along beautifully, too. :D

My heart's all melty now. ^^

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's hard, isn't it, drawing something loose and still keeping it recognizably the characters. Not... entirely sure how well I did that, although the blonde vs brunette and the backpack with a shield motif kinda help. That and the size difference. But facially, mine are very, very different from anything Marvel has actually produced, whether comic or movie.

Yay for melty!

[ysilme]

the joy of simply creating, regardless of skill level
That is the most important thing about creating whatever kind of art or craft IMHO. One of our art teachers at school, renowned sculptor himself, told us "art is not created by skill, but by the need to create", which includes the joy of creating.

You can find the absolute beginner level drawings also on dA and everywhere else, much like the similarly-written fanfic. It's just not shared that much. ;o) When I filter dA for "Elrond" and switch to "newest" I find all kind of levels, and this is often quite interesting. In any kind of sense. *g* Even more interesting is when some (fan)artists post collages of their work over the span of ten years or so. Sometimes it's totally fascinating where one of them started, and where he/she is today.

That being said, I really love your sketches. You're showing considerable skill already, and it's clear you observe carefully (be it consciously or subconsciously) to get the proportions, postures and gestures so right. And the joy you had doing these absolutely shows, too! :o)

No need at all to feel outside your comfort zone and shy about your art! This is good, solid artwork which does not need to hide, no matter where it evolves, and also absolutely sweet pieces which certainly will put a smile on many in the fandom. :o)

Your reasoning about lines vs. images is absolutely sound in my eyes.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I really need to quit worrying so much about how these things stack up... as your art teacher said, art is driven by the need to create and I needed to create these. And sharing them might brighten someone's day or hopefully encourage them to pursue some creative challenge of their own.