From the tumblrs: Signal boosting some wise advice to all fangirls....

[cairistiona]

This seems timely, given that I've declared Friday to be "Fangirl Friday" here on my LJ:

This was written specifically for an upcoming Sebastian Stan appearance this weekend, but it really is sound advice for how to behave at ANY celebrity appearance. I've seen pretty much all kinds of behavior, from good to bad, at the various celeb events I've been fortunate enough to attend (mostly baseball athletes, to be honest, since there's not a lot of celebrity appearances in my neck of the woods), and sometimes the behavior of fans is so outrageous that it really does make me very uneasy going to things like that, and when it's at its worse, can make me ashamed to call myself a fan at all.

Of course, there's a LOT of teens on tumblr... and they're all going mad for Seb Stan right now. It's... seriously berserk over there, which is both fun and, at times, a little scary, especially when these people forget that, hey, Sebastian is a real person and might not be comfortable with what you say you intend to do with his man-parts. I hope it's all just in fun, and I'm sure 99% isn't said with any intent toward carrying it out, but seriously... I can't help but think if roles were reversed and Seb Stan was making the kind of comments toward/about women that women make toward/about him, there'd be sweet-Jesus hell to pay. It's a double standard that really, really bothers me, that attitude some have that "we girls can say anything we want about men, but if a man even looks at me... IT'S THE PERPETUATION OF RAPE CULTURE." Misandry should have no place in our girl talk any more than misogyny should with the men. Respect humans, regardless of gender.

So, yes, fangirl away, but do so with dignity and respect.

Anyway, didn't mean to go on a rant but that's been bothering me for ages. I was very glad to see a voice of reason and maturity over there.

Comments

[j-flattermann.livejournal.com]

I am absolutely agreeing with every word you say.
And if I am ogling then the men should allowed the same.
Also I must that some of the tags are scaring me and I rather neither like nor comment but just brush past.

In regards of the events I have to say, that to make the right example is important. Also for the celebrity to recognise that there are also other kinds of fans out there.

I have made very positive experience with Karl Urban, Billy Boyd and Craig Parker (even though Craig don't count, he's crazy. Lol!)

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Also I must that some of the tags are scaring me and I rather neither like nor comment but just brush past.

Yep. I've had to unfollow some blogs because the vibe is just too... eurgh. I like to look at the prettehs but I'd rather do it without the dehumanization, thankyou.

In regards of the events I have to say, that to make the right example is important. Also for the celebrity to recognise that there are also other kinds of fans out there.

So important! The absolute wrong thing to do is to make appearances so uncomfortable that the celeb decides life's too short to do these kinds of things... because they can and usually are such a joyful time for all. But I can't blame those celebs who opt to stay away. (Nor do I blame those actors who are truly introverts--public appearances must be torture for them!)

I have made very positive experience with Karl Urban, Billy Boyd and Craig Parker (even though Craig don't count, he's crazy. Lol!)

LOL... I can't say I've ever met any of the actors that I admire but I've met a few very nice baseball players and singers.

[mikononyte.livejournal.com]

Do Unto Others: hasn't changed whether it's the Golden Rule or Christianity.

Being rude is the fastest way I know to make a celeb decide NOT to come to your town.

Mind you, I've met Celebs who could teach the fannies how to be rude; but that's why they make the big bucks. LOL

Edit cuz I forgot to say something.

I finally went to LoTRo. My name is Elwiniel. I'm a Lore Master in Training. I'm such a dork. LOL

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Do Unto Others: hasn't changed whether it's the Golden Rule or Christianity.

I often wonder why that seems such a difficult concept for some!

Mind you, I've met Celebs who could teach the fannies how to be rude; but that's why they make the big bucks. LOL

LOL... yeah, it can go both ways. There's some very obnoxious celebs out there. But thankfully, the bunch that play in the Marvel movies seem to all be cut from the same "nice guy & gal" cloth. (And that makes a HUGE difference to how I 'fangirl'. There's no appeal for me in the ones with the massive egos.)

I finally went to LoTRo. My name is Elwiniel. I'm a Lore Master in Training. I'm such a dork. LOL

Ahhhh, it's sucked you in! LOL I haven't ever looked at it. I know I don't have time for it and there's a lot of other things I want to do more with my creative time each day. But good luck to you, o Elwiniel, Master in Training! :D

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

What bothers me is the 'knowledge' these kids have - some are barely into their teens and yet they have in their little heads all sorts of behaviours that used to be seriously kept behind doors and inside closed books. Now it's shouted out in newspapers and elsewhere.

I think the days of signed photos or programmes is over. It's can I have your dirty underpants?

And as you say... if men said this stuff? There's so many 'harassment' claims going on, and dammit - that's just a few mild gropes behind the filing cabinet, or even a norty suggestion at the water-bottle.

Oh lor... the teens of today, even the 'good' ones, are jaw-jaw-droppingly waaaay out of my planet in that respect.

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

What bothers me is the 'knowledge' these kids have - some are barely into their teens and yet they have in their little heads all sorts of behaviours that used to be seriously kept behind doors and inside closed books. Now it's shouted out in newspapers and elsewhere.

Oh, it's insane these days. And a nightmare for a parent, gotta be honest. My kid sussed out more by the time she was ten than I knew by the time I got to college. :/ You can put all the parental filters you want on the computer but they'll learn it from friends with older siblings etc etc. I decided waaaay back when we adopted our daughter that I wasn't going to be one of these parents who's all squicky about having The Talk with their kid--I saw the writing on the wall even back in 1999 that there would be far too much information to try to shield her from it like my parents could with me. And I'm soooo glad I made it a natural topic of conversation because we literally have discussed EVERYTHING. o.O Even so, my kid still has managed to get herself in some, well, difficulty, with too much knowledge too early (nothing literal, but some texting of photos that OUGHT NOT TO HAVE OCCURRED...fortunately, she was caught and suffered the appropriate consequences before it could be a much bigger problem--it ruined about a month of her school year but not her entire life, put it that way), but fortunately because we do have an open line of communication, we worked through it, but man. I pity the parent that's doing it the old school "we don't talk about such things" way (and sadly, there's still some of those dinosaurs around).

Annnd... my comment was too long for one reply to your comment, so part 2 in a separate reply!

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

Second part of reply!!!

Oh dear, it IS so difficult for parents these days. The speed with which a pc can be shut down, and these 'tablet's and phones.... they're a parent's nightmare I should think. Selfies! its so - well, I find them boring actually! and sometimes show the 'self' up as a not very attractive airhead. THICKO! YICK.

But seriously I do wonder at the things kids have learnt by the time they're about nine or ten. Good GOD... and the innocence that goes with them. Experience of a bit more life is helpful, even to an adolescent, and they're innocent in so many ways too. I don't think I'd like to grow up in this day and age. At least mine WAS innocent. Truly. Birds and bees and dogs and cats got up to all sorts, but it did NOT CONNECT WITH HUMAN BEINGS! WE didn't do - erm - what????

Gosh, poor Cairi, and I'm so GLAD your girl has got such wise parents, and I do hope she'll go on talking WITH her Mom and Dad... Mom about women things and to Dad about Boy problems... why is he like this Dad??? cos Dad knows, been there and probably done that waaaay back!

So. Oh dear. you're doing awfully well right now... with one thing and another and so on... so tell daughter from me, that MOM is a great kind understanding person who has a big heart and a very KIND one!!!! (and who ALSO has crushes on strange blokes!!!)

HUGS like crazy - and to daughter!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

Pt 2!

And as you say... if men said this stuff? There's so many 'harassment' claims going on, and dammit - that's just a few mild gropes behind the filing cabinet, or even a norty suggestion at the water-bottle.

Now here I have to disagree, respectfully. I can't tolerate any level of sexual harassment in the workplace because there really *is* a problem with the rape culture, and discrimination in salaries and promotions, etc. I don't believe there's any such thing as "mild groping" or innocent leering, etc. It's highly unprofessional and just not something that should be tolerated.

I wonder if how this current generation is being raised vs how men were raised in your day have really changed the dynamic of that sort of "innocent flirtation" at the workplace. Men these days no longer teach other men (or their sons) to respect women. I see it all the time with how boys treat my daughter... there's a HUGE lack of respect from many of them, and it's becoming a generational thing--fathers passing bad attitudes down to their sons--and it bugs the hell out of me. (Fortunately, my daughter has an old-school taekwondo instructor who will *LITERALLY* beat the sweet-Jesus hell out of any boy that disrespects women--I've seen the black eyes on some of the teen boys to prove it--so there's some hope for man-kind. And don't anyone start in on the whole 'oh, but hitting is child abuse!' If a 17 y/o is old enough to treat his date like sh**, he's old enough for his elders to teach him the error of his ways in a way that is appropriate. And yes, I'm old school that way!)

Anyway, I digress...I just find it impossible to miss the blind spot some (not all) women have when it comes to the turn-about-is-fair-play objectification of men. I see very few women stepping up and saying, "Hey, we never liked it when men did it to us, so why are we looking the other way when some women do the same thing to men?"

Misandry=misogyny=unacceptable attitudes and behavior.

I think some of it is driven by ignorance and immaturity--especially with the teen girls who are all awash in the extremes of life--but some of it does seem driven by a darker desire for revenge. The same thing happens with LGBT and people of color and with just about every once-repressed group who finally earn acceptance--there's always some (usually very loud) individuals within those groups who think it's acceptable to become the very bullies and bigots they once fought against, and sadly, there are enough victims of those things to give them a fawning congregation around their bully pulpit.

But it doesn't make it right.

All that said, I'm an optimist, so I *do* believe eventually the pendulum will swing back to the center where such differences no longer matter and aren't even a point of discussion. But we're a long way from that sort of Star Trek utopia, and looking honestly at the errors in the ways both genders (and races, and religions and "fill in the blank here") treat each other and then fixing the errors in our ways has to happen if we're to ever get there.

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

I suppose I'm lucky inasmuch as I lived through the 'good' old days when a flirt was FUN and that was ALL! I did have the odd need to act decisively but they got the message, High heels on and ground into insteps certainly passed it on! and the odd Knee brought up sharply. But..nothing much worse.

And of course I was taught NEVER disrespect men. NEVER! so I was the dishcloth wife I spose. I learnt tho. I learnt!

These days it seems to be no holds barred.. and it's leading to such horrid sudden 'it doesn't matter' murders. Tis easier to bump the wife/husband off than just talk it out with him/her.

I must thank my lucky stars I live where I do, in such a quiet calm place (probably HEAVING with catastrophic horrors, but I don't know about them!) and will be leaving this earth for - haha - higher (or lower things) sometime in the I suppose not too distant future. (Gimme twenty more years!)

But seriously I do think its time there was the old fashioned saying of 'DO as you would be done by!' drilled and drummed into smalls, so that they can 'respect' whoever when they get to the age when 'respecting' matters. THEN maybe a nice calm politeness will prevail. (I'm not banking on it just yet!)

France does seem to be the place where consideration and politeness is paramount. Really it is. It is really most refreshing too, and I've yet to stop goggling at it.

We must live in hope as you say, Cairi, live in Hope - Estel to the rescue!!!! and HE does respect others!

[cairistiona7.livejournal.com]

But seriously I do think its time there was the old fashioned saying of 'DO as you would be done by!' drilled and drummed into smalls, so that they can 'respect' whoever when they get to the age when 'respecting' matters. THEN maybe a nice calm politeness will prevail. (I'm not banking on it just yet!)

Hear, hear! I don't know why or how we've moved away from that expectation of good behavior toward others but it does seem to have swung too far to the "it's my life I'll do as I please" mindset, doesn't it.

Here's to hope!